There is an ocean that’s not made of water. It’s an ocean made only of desire and temptation. It’s inviting. Alluring. The Siren’s call. Calling you. Its waves and its immensity excite you. It’s intoxicating. You want it. You sense that it also wants you. And so you don’t worry about the price. You don’t … Continue reading Lifelines
Breaking The Law
Sometimes I look back on my long drinking career at the milestones that were arrests for drunk driving. So easily I could have killed people on those occasions. I could have killed myself. Maybe there were times I was trying to. My drunken choices had me on a course of self destruction. For a little … Continue reading Breaking The Law
The Past And The Present
Back in September I wrote about my being adopted and shared something that my birth-mother had written about her alcoholism. It had required some explaining before I shared the poem she had written. Part of that setup I'll repeat here.... I was given up for adoption at birth by parents who were unmarried and alcoholic. … Continue reading The Past And The Present
A Lack of Trust
It happened a few Fridays ago. I was getting really irritated with my job. People that I work with were getting on my last nerve. Big time. Wanna-be thugs from the hood. Showing up late. Not in uniform. Bitching about everything. Being lazy. Talking shit. Being assholes. I found myself starting to hate a little. … Continue reading A Lack of Trust
Freedom and Independence
On this Independence Day I am very grateful. I celebrated my freedom from alcohol. I went to two meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous this morning. Then I went to an AA Fourth of July cookout where I ate just a little more than I intended. There was sunshine, laughter, and fellowship with the sober drunks. Those … Continue reading Freedom and Independence
Balloon Ride
This morning I heard a woman at the podium tell of her journey from an alcoholic bottom into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. An older woman with over thirty years of sobriety, she was funny and candid and radiated joy throughout her story. She had a great message for me today. She talked about how … Continue reading Balloon Ride
My Alcoholism Lies To Me
Alcoholism: "Hey there, Buddy. How's it going?" Me: "What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were taking a vacation." Alcoholism: "Nooo. I don't do vacations. I've been at the gym working out. I'm getting ridiculously ripped too. Working my program. One day at a time, right?" (Flexes his big biceps and … Continue reading My Alcoholism Lies To Me
Should and Shouldn’t
Regrettably, I haven't been writing here lately. I've begun to feel guilty about my apparent laziness with this blog. But it hasn't really been my usual typical laziness or procrastination. It's more that I didn't feel like I've had anything important enough to say. Sometimes I'm inspired to write. A seemingly important idea or concept … Continue reading Should and Shouldn’t
Isolating
Sometimes I just want to be alone. And sometimes that's good for me. Perfectly fine. But right now...it's not. It's really not. It's been lasting for a number of days now and it's been getting worse. I can clearly see the signs. Irritable mood. Pessimistic thoughts. I could fall into a depression so easily when … Continue reading Isolating
Promises Made
At nearly every meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous I've ever attended there are readings at the beginning of the format. The chairperson chooses a few people beforehand to read excerpts from the Big Book like "How It Works", "The Twelve Steps" or "The Twelve Traditions". Sometimes they might be asked to read "A Vision For You" … Continue reading Promises Made
Sober Thought 