Regrettably, I haven’t been writing here lately. I’ve begun to feel guilty about my apparent laziness with this blog. But it hasn’t really been my usual typical laziness or procrastination. It’s more that I didn’t feel like I’ve had anything important enough to say.
Sometimes I’m inspired to write. A seemingly important idea or concept will suddenly strike me. There are bursts of clarity when the muse appears and words need to be written and saved. It sends me on a mission, and I have to open the laptop right away and tap at the keys. Words and paragraphs flow effortlessly until complete.
This is not one of those times.
So… I’m forcing it. I’m tapping at the keys right now without any planned agenda or destination. Totally winging it to see what comes out. Yikes. Ugh.
Lately my thoughts seem to fall into one of two not-so-great categories:
A) Things I should be doing or doing more of (but I’m not).
B) Things that I’m doing but probably shouldn’t be doing (because they’re wrong).
Wow. Look at that. I’m here telling on myself again. I’m saying out loud (kinda) what’s going on in my head so that I will be more likely to deal with it.
I don’t want to get into all the specific details of what lies in those two categories. I’ll just leave some of that to your imagination for now. LOL. But I will say that I’m glad I forced myself to write SOMETHING. I needed to do this. Writing seems to help calm the chatter of my alcoholic monkey-brain.
Here it comes….
The sober thought….
“I feel guilty sometimes for the things I DO and the things I DON’T do. I tend to do the things I shouldn’t to AVOID doing the things I should.”
Apparently I need to point out the obvious so that I can see it.
I’m laughing at myself now. I’m happy that I wrote something and I’m also happy that I escaped an hour of lazy procrastination. See the should and shouldn’t in there? Destination reached. Guilt decreased. Mission accomplished.
(Note to self: You should write when you don’t feel like you have anything to say. It keeps you from doing the stuff you shouldn’t do.)